i was a grenade, and she was a hurricane
by vergule
Summary: "we live in the same apartment complex and I accidentally leave my laundry in the washer for a minute too long and you decide to take out all my wet clothes to put in yours just as I walk in" au this is primarily a RANYA fic, because there ARE NOT ENOUGH OUT THERE ALL HAPPY ENDINGS DON'T WORRY GUYS
1. Chapter 1

This is cross-posted from AO3, where I've already started it, so it'll be one update a day for pretty much the next week. Cheers ;)

Please review or follow or favorite to show support, it means so much to me, and gives me so much inspiration.

* * *

Raven slowly walked down from the second floor to the first, grimacing all the while. She knew she had to get used to her brace, but for the time being, it just _wasn't_ going to happen. But, even though Clarke had insisted they could get a first floor suite, Raven had insisted they not apply for the first floor apartments, stating that people in wheelchairs could probably use them more. Of course, Lexa had made her promise she would take the elevator, but the first floor was literally _right there_.

She approached the laundry room after a leisurely drink at the fountain. She stood upright and felt her hip snap into place. Yeah, she definitely had to take the elevator back upstairs _one fucking flight_ of stairs.

As she entered the room, the humidity hit her square in the face, but it smelled clean and not like dirty gym socks, so they had probably cleaned it over thanksgiving break _thank god._

She bent down to open the washing machine, frowning at the seemingly full cycle that remained. Had she not started the machine?

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Raven started. She whipped around. Anya Woods, Lexa's older sister stood over her. She slammed the door shut, on what Raven vaguely registered were not her clothes, and nodded her head at one of the dryers.

"Your clothes are on top of there, dipshit."

"What the fuck, Anya?" Anya actually looked surprised at hearing her name. "These are still warm. My alarm literally just went off. You couldn't have waited a fucking minute?"

"Get here early, then, dumbass. It's not hard. Other people have laundry to do too, you know?"

"It's Raven, fucktard. And you went through all the trouble to put my fucking clothes on top of the machine, but couldn't put them inside?"

"It's full. They're all full."

Raven whipped around and groaned. The closest dryer to being done was still half an hour into the cycle.

She walked out into the common room and settled down on the couch, turning on the TV.

"Is that the game?"

"Don't you have anything better to do?"

"No."

Anya settled into a chair and they watched in silence for a bit. Raven looked at Anya, when she thought Anya wasn't looking. Anya was apparently Lexa's half-sister, which made a lot of sense.

"I can smell you staring. What is it? Spit it out?"

"So, how old are you, then. If you're older than Lexa, which is what she said?"

"I'm surprised that fucknugget even mentioned me."

Raven looked vaguely uncomfortable, which was evidently enough for Anya to qualify, "It's just a term of endearment." Suddenly, she smiled.

Raven couldn't get over how regal Anya looked. She looked like a high queen, with her posture, her cheekbones, her expression which demanded dominance. Suddenly, Raven could see every similarity between Anya and Lexa.

"So...how's Clarke, then?" The name was as harsh in Anya's mouth as it was in Lexa's. Yet Lexa's guarded expression was nothing compared to Anya's fierce look. Anya's was intimidating enough that Raven turned away, pride somewhat wounded.

Raven checked her phone. There was still fifteen minutes left on that dryer, and whoever's clothes it was probably wouldn't be there right when the cycle ended. She stretched discreetly, but could see that Anya had zeroed in on her leg. _Fucking perfect._

"I'll see you later, I guess."

Raven headed for the elevator, which miraculously was on the same floor, and jammed the button with the sticky and faded 2 on it. If Clarke and Lexa had fucked in the 30 seconds it took to get up, she fucking-

"Wait...Raven?"

Raven started, but was the door was closed enough for her to pretend she hadn't heard, so she got out on her floor, suddenly tired as all hell.

She headed to her room and collapsed face front on the bed, all thoughts of laundry and girls out of her mind. She fell asleep in the time it took Anya to come up the stairs.

Raven didn't wake until several hours later. Wiping the moisture off her face, she stood up and headed to the kitchen to get some water. Only, right outside her door was her laundry hamper with dried clothes in it, and her pillow pet, fuck _who the fuck saw that._ There was a post it stuck to Puma's face.

R-

Sorry for being a dick.

Anya

Raven traced the penmanship, taken aback. She made to crumple the note, but something stopped her, and she put the folded laundry in her room, making a mental note to ask Lexa for Anya's number, so she could properly thank her later.


	2. Chapter 2

Raven stumbled into the laundry room, bleary eyed, incredibly relieved that she hadn't dropped her basket on the way down the stairs. She had tried to avoid it for three weeks now. She winced at the harsh glare of the industrial lighting, a red LED digital clock practically shouting 4:13 AM at her hungover ass. Dumping everything into one washing machine, she threw a Tide ball into the drum and set it to the coldest setting, so it wouldn't fuck up her "delicates," though she honestly didn't give a single fuck. She didn't have enough time on the daily to worry about what she was wearing anyway.

Clarke had decided it would be a good idea to get piss-drunk at 3 in the afternoon, and they decided to take a shot every time a woman died on The Walking Dead. What had started as a continual tipsiness eventually caught up with them and even though Clarke had soldiered through it with a Monster (fuckin four loco scare anyone?) Raven passed the fuck out on the couch. And it was midterm week. Meaning if she didn't get her shit together by morning, she was royally fucked for her thermo exam. She had planned to wake up around 2 to start working, but obviously slept through all her alarms until a very irritated Lexa shook her awake around a half hour ago. But she could do it, theoretically. She would probably have dicked around for an hour and a half instead of doing actual work anyway. And doing laundry would keep her awake, because she didn't want her clothes to smell like shit, even if she didn't care enough to sort them.

She did a one-eighty out of the laundry room, bumping into someone who fell onto their ass, spilling their clothes everywhere.

"I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD-"

"SHIT, Anya, I'm so fucking sorry."

She bent down to help Anya up, and then suddenly realized her leg was on fucking fire.

"Shit, shit, shit." Raven chanted, trying to kick feeling back into it.

"What the fuck?" Anya practically shouted as she turned the light on. "Do you not have eyes, you mor- Raven? Fuck, what's wrong?"

"I'm fine." Raven snaps. "Fuck, I'm sorry. Let me just...I'll take care of your clothes, okay? Like, you did mine so I got it." She gritted her teeth, tears swimming in her eyes. Then, clearing her throat, "Your suite's on the fourth, right? I got it." Most of the upperclassmen had the upper floors, probably better for avoiding the Res Hall Coordinators and Freshman RAs scrutiny while partying.

"Hey," Anya grabbed her arm, "what's going on."

"I'm fine."

"You're not fine!"

"Even if I wasn't, it wouldn't be any of your damn business." Raven angrily pulled her arm away.

Anya's gaze softened. "You're right. I'm sorry. I invaded your personal space."

Raven's brow furrowed. "I did first. Don't worry about it."

"Well, you don't worry about it either then. And I can take care of my clothes, it's fine."

"I can do it, really, I've got to be up for this thermo test anyway."

"Thermo?" Anya looked surprised.

"Youngest pseudo-junior in 51 years." Raven smirked, forgetting the pain through her pride. I came in a second semester sophomore by school standing with all my AP credit, so I decided on a double EE-MechE major. I probably could have done thermo last semester, but I wanted to 'experience college life,' you know. Just get the hang of it and all that" Raven wasn't really sure what she was saying anymore, because she was so damn tired. Her headache began to resurface, making itself known in the throbbing of her temples.

She barely made it to the trash can.

Anya stood by, Raven could feel her presence, but she ignored it and kept hurling. Raven could finally feel the nausea ebb away, and thankfully with it, her headache. She massaged at her temples, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders with the release in pressure. She could hear the sound of running water in the bathroom. Anya made her way back to the common room.

"Here's a paper towel for your face. The water in the sink should be warm by now."

Raven could hardly deal with the humiliation, but she could also tell that Anya wasn't judging her. She made her way to the bathroom, rinsing her mouth and splashing the water on her face. Feeling a thousand times better, she exited the bathroom sheepishly, wanting to thank Anya, who had somehow managed to pick her clothing off the floor and find spare time to leave a flimsy plastic cup of water out for Raven on the pool table. Raven grabbed it and took a small sip.

"Careful." Anya's voice warned. "When's the last time you ate something?"

"Uhhh..." Raven's face flushed.

"Do you have anything to eat?"

"Yeah, I'll just grab some ramen from my room."

By the time Raven got back with her cup noodle and headed to the microwave, Anya was on the phone with someone, and Raven could hear it ringing from across the room. "Hi!" Anya's voice went two octaves up and became bubblier than Raven thought possible from someone related to Lexa Woods. "Is this Emergency Maintenance? Yes, I'm in Myers House on the west side of campus. There's been an accident with a resident on the first floor. Could we have someone in here to clean it up please? Thank you so much!" With that, she cut the phone, and turned her attention to Raven again.

"I would normally write this up but I'm way too tired for this right now and I'm not on call anyway."

Raven's mouth dropped open a little with surprise. "You're an RA? I thought you were rooming with friends in one of the upper dorms or something?"

"No, I'm on the third floor with the freshmen."

"Dude, I'm really sorry, Anya."

"Listen, just email your prof and tell him you can't take the exam. Michelson still teaches 232, right?"

Raven swallowed. "Yeah."

"He's good about that. I took that class last semester, and he was super chill when I got a stomach bug and couldn't turn in a project on time."

Raven sighed. "I'll do that, but, I'm up now. Here, let me take care of your clothes. For real. It's the least I can do."

Anya scrutinized her closely. "Okay...but only because I need to shower after smelling that, and god, I've been grading papers since 1" she murmured, without any real malice. "Just take care of yourself."

"Will do."

Raven took an extra long shower of her own, letting the water wash the smell of regret off her skin, and put both their clothes in the dryer before penning an email to Professor Michelson. She was one of his favorite students, so he would probably consider it true that she had food poisoning, and would probably still have an A if she didn't turn up for this exam, but there was no harm in studying while she had to be up anyway. She ate the cold noodles, while waiting for the dryer to finish. Once both machines beeped, she shoveled Anya's clothes and her own shit into their respective baskets and lugged Anya's up the tiny elevator to the third floor. She felt like she should leave Anya something, so she grabbed a Snickers from the first floor vending machine and wrote on a paper towel, "YOU'RE NOT YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY," wrapping it around the bar and throwing it into the hamper with the clothes.

Lexa had mentioned how annoying it was that Anya loved nuts when Lexa had a nut allergy, and would steal Reeses from Lexa's Halloween stash without trading anything back, so she figured it was fine. She'll go nuts, Raven punned to herself, grinning, and then realizing she should probably go back to bed. She set an alarm for 10 am, and wrapped herself in the sheets, drifting into a long dreamless sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

The next time Raven saw Anya, Raven wasn't the one in hot shit.

"I AM MORE THAN CAPABLE OF SEPARATING FEELINGS FROM DUTY." Lexa's dorm slammed, and she stormed out, slamming it shut so hard it reverberated, and accidentally brushing past Raven as she stormed out of the suite, angry footsteps making their way down the stairs. Raven heard the angry sniffles that followed the defiant look on Lexa's face. A few stunned moments of silence later, Anya emerged from her sister's room.

She met Raven's gaze with a defeated look in her eyes.

"Hey," Raven's voice was soft, and she tried to be disarming as she made her way over to where Anya stood. "Are you alright?"

Anya nodded slowly, but set her jaw the same way Lexa did when she and Clarke got into an argument and she was trying not to cry.

"Is there anything necessary you need to do right now?"

Anya's gaze directed itself at her shoes, and she shook her head. "No." Anya bit out as though it was the only word she could get out with a straight voice.

"Do you want to go back to your room."

"Not really." Anya's voice was strained but she was strikingly more composed than just a minute ago. She hesitated briefly, "I don't really want to be alone right now." It was both a question and a plea.

"Come on."

Raven directed Anya toward her room. Anya paused in the doorway, obviously surprised at the decor adorning it. Raven didn't have a lot that wasn't neatly organized, and she had a double room for herself a la not being able to loft her bed because she would have a hard time getting up or down, especially while piss drunk so she hadn't objected.

As such, she had a shit ton of storage space so her room didn't feel cluttered, but her things were all slightly elevated so that she didn't have to bend down or get up to reach them.

She directed Anya to the couch that sat below the second double bed, which she had lofted all the way to the ceiling, and mostly used only to take pity on sexiled friends.

"Can I make you a hot chocolate?"

"That would be great, thank you."

Raven made her way down to the kitchen slowly, wanting to give Anya some time to process, having, as surreptitiously as she could, left tissues near where Anya was sitting if necessary.

She took her time stirring the chocolate into the mugs, but even then, Anya was still sniffling a bit when she got back to the room. Raven didn't quite know what to say, but she reasoned, if she was in that same position, she would want to talk about something else.

"What's your favorite non-alcoholic or non-caffeinated drink?"

"It's uh...hot cider."

That wasn't what she'd been expecting, but she wasn't quite sure what she had been expecting anyway. Lexa was nothing like Raven had expected either, and Raven felt a bit of shame for judging both sisters on appearance.

"Noted." Raven smiled.

"What about you?" Anya asked.

"Sunny D. Ever since I was a kid and used to get it in my lunches. I don't know I just like it."

"What about hot drinks?" Anya asked.

"Um...peppermint tea, I think. And cold drinks for you."

Anya shrugged. "I don't drink them often enough to really have a preference, but I like most things. Lemonade." She smiled. "I used to make it during the summers and Lexa would sell it to people passing by. We'd split the profit." Her face fell.

"Clarke's going on that trip next summer."

Raven nodded in acknowledgement.

"Lexa wants to go. I went to her room to ask her not to- I wouldn't have ordered her, or anything like that. But she said she wasn't going, which, I could see in her eyes that she'd refused Clarke and felt like an asshole. But I could tell she wanted to, and that's what hurt her. But I hurt her too. I should have understood that she wouldn't go, trusted her enough to believe that without having confronted her about it. And I should have let her if she needed to."

"I get it." Raven replied, after a moment of silence. "It's really good that you can see that, but you're being too hard on yourself. I agree that Clarke has changed Lexa, for better or for worse. And I'm sure you're just looking out for her."

"I am." Anya said with desperation clear in her voice. "We can't-" It broke for a second. "We can't afford for her not to work this summer. I'm already an RA just so she can afford to live in this suite with you guys. But I've tried so hard to shield her from all of this, and even then it isn't enough. We don't have the money. I never wanted her to be a part of this, and then when we're so close to not having to, I force her to be apart from Clarke for the summer."

"You're not forcing her to do anything." Raven replied forcefully. "She's a grown adult. And this isn't...this isn't her on the playground skipping meals, this is her not going clubbing with her rich trust fund girlfriend. It's not the same thing, and you know it. You don't have to feel guilty over something like this."

Raven continued, "You don't know how much it means to me that you're willing to do everything for her. Family has never meant anything to me. My only family is my friends. But when I see you, I'm so glad that you looked out for her like no one ever looked out for me. She's lucky to have you, Anya. She knows that."

Anya took a careful sip of her hot chocolate, and grinned from ear to ear. "Doubled the packets. That's always the best."

"I KNOW."

Raven let the shared experience spread itself into a comfortable silence, in which they both finished off their drinks. Relaxing into the couch, she allowed herself to be satisfied with the progress they'd made.

The only word for Raven's space was peaceful. What was striking about it was the calm of the space.

Raven did not subscribe to a belief in Feng Shui, or similar arrangements per say, but she had done much research over the summer on how to make her room calm to curb her anxiety.

People were always surprised when they saw it, assuming that it would be as hectic as she was. But though her work spaces were always messy and cluttered, living with anxiety and depression had forced her to change her living space in order to maintain her productivity.

The colors were all soft and warm- her bedspread was a light purple and she had chosen a very warm lighting fixture to supplement the harsh industrial fluorescent lighting that it had come furnished with.

She didn't work in her room, it was a safe haven, and her iPod dock in the corner crooned soft piano music from an ancient nano she had had since she was ten years old. Her pillow pets sat neatly on her bed, Puma the Leopard chief among them.

Raven thought again to what she would want if she had just been in an argument with Clarke.

"Want to watch something?"

"Yes, please."

"Okay, I know this is going to sound weird, but, how about Avatar: the Last Airbender."

Anya smiled again. "I think Lexa watched that growing up. I've never seen it but I know a little bit about it."

"It helps me out a lot whenever I'm stressed or scared."

Anya's expression hardened. "I think I'll go, actually. Thanks for the drink." She abruptly got up and crossed the room in three long strides.

"Did I say something that bothered you?" Raven could do helping friends out, but she had no space for tact or tempering Lexa's (or apparently Anya's) whiny emo bullshit.

"I'm the RA here. I don't feel comfortable with this."

Raven stood up and crossed the room to look Anya directly in the eye.

"You're not my RA. How old are you?"

"22."

"So you don't talk to anyone you live with because you think you're not allowed to."

"I'm not not allowed to, but...it's not professional."

"You live here too, Anya."

Anya sighed. "I've made things awkward now."

Raven shrugged. "You don't have to have had to. Clarke's only my friend because I caught her fucking my boyfriend. How do you think that turned out."

"Fair enough." Anya sat back down, not surprised with the information. Lexa probably told her at some point, or she just had a really good poker face. Raven grabbed her laptop, dimming the lights.

"What's that?"

"This? She is my child, Agatha." Raven dramatically caressed the projector. "Found her in a dumpster behind a public school. Turns out, all she needed was a new bulb, didn't you baby? Some poor old-ass teacher probably thought they'd broken their 'fancy new technology' and pretended somebody stole it."

Anya raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment on the fact Raven was even in the dumpster in the first place, which scored her major brownie points with Raven, who then turned Agatha on (ha ha), turned off her iPod, which had switched to 90's pop in the time it took for them to finish talking, and started the first episode. They sat there for a good few hours, laughing at the good parts, and eventually, Anya fell asleep there on the couch.

Raven knew if she went to bed, Anya would know she'd left her there on the couch, but, in her sleep, Raven could see how tired Anya was, the stresses of life evident on her face. Even in sleep, she seemed distressed.

Raven put another pillow pet, her elephant, under Anya's head, and made sure the couch slash spare blanket covered her completely. She made her way into bed, and settled herself in. She set an alarm for 9 AM (it was a Saturday, so Anya probably didn't need to be up before then, and let herself drift off slowly.


	4. Chapter 4

Lexa stared at Clarke's unmoving form on the bed. Clarke'd gone partying again last night, and Lexa was running out of excuses for why she couldn't accompany. Nonetheless, like a good girlfriend, she'd helped her get changed and brush her teeth, and when Clarke had wanted to fall asleep in her arms, Lexa couldn't pretend there was anything she wanted more. Lying down on the bed, face pressed between Clarke's shoulderblades, breathing in her scent, Lexa wanted. She couldn't pretend she wasn't so deep in love it wouldn't destroy her if Clarke left anymore. But as well as she knew Clarke, Clarke didn't know her.

Never mind panic attacks or social anxiety. There were so many times she wanted to explain to Clarke, make her understand what was going on inside Lexa's head. But she couldn't get the words out, because Clarke was everything. She had everything. She could talk to people without stammering, she could do work without procrastinating, and she thought it was so easy. Life, she said, conquering life, that's hard. You need to drain every ounce of pleasure out of it, baby.

But for Lexa, it wasn't that easy. She didn't think she'd ever be there. She didn't think she could. Lexa was a poet, and that meant feeling everything, feeling the earth beneath her feet, feeling every sensation until she dissociated, and feeling transfixed by the world around her. It was what agonized her. It was the reason she was alive. She knew, at this point, masochism was probably the only way she knew how to live. She could do anything- drop out of school, travel the world, buy the new laptop she wanted, but it would lead her back here. Hedonistic adaptation- you're only ever as content as your baseline. And she'd need to change that to change herself, but she was so tired all the time.

But Clarke changed that. Lexa wasn't stupid enough to become dependent on Clarke, but she feared that's exactly what she was. It was a matter of the heart. Her head couldn't have thought her out of this if she wanted to be, which she didn't.

As much as it hurt to think about every word that came out of her mouth with Clarke, Lexa did that with everyone. The difference was, Clarke was patient, and Clarke was kind. Even when the last thing Lexa wanted was attention, and it was all Clarke would give her, she got a rush out of every time Clarke massaged her shoulders, you're too tense, baby, and then kissed Lexa on the cheek before telling her that everything was going to work out.

It was Clarke who pulled all-nighters she didn't have to to keep Lexa company, so Lexa wasn't working alone in the common room that was too large at night, too empty. It was Clarke that curled around Lexa at night when Lexa couldn't sleep, whose rhythmic push and pull of breath calmed her when she awoke. It was Clarke who was so in love with Lexa that she had insisted Lexa live in a suite of just Clarke's friends, just so Clarke could be around her, Clarke who had taken the time to introduce Lexa to all of her own friends one by one, setting them up with activities both, say Lexa and Raven or Lexa and Monty loved.

It was Clarke who Lexa couldn't look at without feeling her heart grow three sizes.

And yet, she was so afraid Clarke, who was the most compassionate person she knew, had lived too big of a life for Lexa to ever keep up.

Clarke's mother was one of the most prominent and well established neurosurgeons in the world. Every time Lexa bought something that Clarke liked, Clarke would buy something similar that cost three times the price, with three times the function- only sometimes that function was so unnecessary. Clarke who had weekly hair appointments to keep her dyed blonde hair in perfect condition. Clarke, who didn't buy anything that wasn't "quality." Clarke who didn't go to movies that weren't IMAX 3D. Clarke who had casually had thousand dollar dinners, who grew up in a private school with the most influential, richest children of the most successful Americans.

Lexa, try as she might, couldn't reconcile who Clarke was with what Clarke was.

Lexa had been upgraded to first class, once, when she and Anya accepted $200 each to get on a later flight. And she remembered how her chest naturally puffed out, what that dominance felt like. What it felt like to know she was in charge.

That was how Clarke always felt. But Lexa was always, on the inside and outside, full of shame and regret, always a five year old whose sister had split her allowance to buy them both push pops, only Lexa had dropped hers and she didn't want Anya's because she could feel the shame.

Clarke's soul was in sync with Lexa, that much Lexa knew. But on this physical plane, Lexa yearned for a Clarke who was her opposite in every way, and she didn't know how not to feel like she had the lower ground in every way, how not to feel powerless in one of the only things that gave her strength.

* * *

Raven could feel the light seep through the cracks in the blinds, warming her face and searing her eyes a warm orange color. She heard the creak of the sofa and her eyes opened, bleary, but refreshed. She saw Anya make to quietly slip away.

"Anya?" Raven's voice was hoarse with lack of use.

"Yeah." Anya's voice was soft. "Go back to sleep. Sssssh."

But Raven sat up, already awake. "How did you sleep?"

A small smile pursed at Anya's lips. "Well. Thank you."

Raven suddenly became cognizant of the state of her hair. "Sorry I'm..." she yawned "not in the best state right now."

"It's no problem at all. Ssshhh."

"I'll see you later?" Raven didn't really know why she was asking Anya this. They weren't exactly friends. Even Anya looked surprised. "We have to finish season one."

Anya's voice was warm. "Of course."

The next time Raven woke up, there was a bag of donuts neatly placed on her desk, next to a thermos of peppermint tea.


	5. Chapter 5

Raven couldn't stop smiling. She hated the rush of excitement she felt, but this was the rush of falling in friendship-love. That's what Raven called it anyway, when you met someone for the first time, and they became your friend and all you could do was be giddy with excitement, and nod with eyes wide every time you found common likes and dislikes.

But this was more than that. Raven could see Anya's gentle nature bleed through everything she did, and buying Raven breakfast was something, somehow, no one had ever done for Raven before.

Raven felt like she was walking on a cloud, even as she stepped out into the sharp evening cold to brave the dining hall. She was going to meet up with Clarke and Monty, who were her partners on this research project. Most of the people in her suite were honestly advanced as fuck, which, was probably why they were living together apart from how good of friends they were.

"What's up, homies?"

"Shiiiit dude." Monty initiated their secret handshake and pulled her in for a hug. Monty and Clarke were pretty much the only people allowed to touch Raven without getting backhanded.

"Bro I had a dream we fucked." Clarke intoned deeply.

"Fuck off, Griffin." Raven rolls her eyes.

"Dude we basically have no idea what we're doing here." Monty looked serious, which Raven appreciated. He actually got work done at the end of the day, while Clarke would usually fuck around until 2 am and then panic. They all did it together though, so Raven didn't judge. She appreciated Clarke's company to pull her out of hyperfocusing that would make her nitpick at homework for hours after it was done. Also, without Clarke's sense of humor, she probably would have gone crazy by now.

Raven grinned. "Neither do I, but we shall suffer together, as is the law of academia."

* * *

Walking back from the group meeting, Raven felt good. This was the first time this semester, though it was already half over, that she really thought she was excelling, not just scrambling to get everything done every night. Even though she had gotten into this school chiefly on merit, and frankly was overqualified for it, (and probably should have gone to MIT, Raven wasn't cocky, she just knew her skills and valued them how they ought to be valued,) this semester hadn't been easy, despite how she'd bragged to Anya the other night.

She decided it was the perfect night to treat herself to something sugary from Starbucks, a vanilla bean frappuchino with a shot of caramel and chocolate, please.

She reluctantly forked over the $4.90 it had come to. Honestly, the prices were ridiculous, but somehow, it made the drink taste just that much better.

She sat down in one of the booths, pulling out her phone, and deciding to people watch for a little bit. And her heart nearly stopped when she saw Anya.

Anya's hair was curly, and Raven realized she must recently have washed it. She looked almost ethereal, with the glow of the street lamp from the other side of the window reflected off the snow and onto the frames of glasses which Raven had never seen before, but were completely endearing. Anya was also wearing flannel, which, GAYEEEEE.

Raven laughed to herself a bit before attempting to nonchalantly walk to where Anya was sitting, failing miserably, of course, but trying nonetheless.

Anya, however, apparently had better things to do than acknowledge Raven standing there, though she was sure Anya had recognized her, as she didn't have earphones in.

"Hey, stranger."

Anya didn't look up immediately, brow furrowed in concentration, but she nodded in acknowledgement when she did, tongue pressing against her lips.

"What's up?" Raven leaned over the table.

"It's just...this...fucking...EBSCO Host bullshit, who the fuck designed such a crappy UI?"

Raven laughed. "I don't know but they should be paying me to use it. Here, let me see, what's the topic of your paper? Is it your senior thesis?"

Anya peered at her. "I'm a junior, actually."

"Oh! Sorry, just, because you said you were 22, I thought..."

"Nah. I started school late. What about you, how old are you?"

"19."

Anya nodded, mind still clearly on her paper. "That's good."

"I can help, seriously, I'm a research expert. I mean, I usually use JSTOR, but..."

Anya sighed, "I don't care at this point. I honestly know this topic well enough that I could write this without any sources at all, but I need reputable ones because this fucking insane professor actually reads them." She dug her fingers into her own scalp, massaging her temples furiously. "I need a bathroom break, anyway, honestly, I don't want to keep you too long, but any help you can give me would be incredible. I think my intro paragraph and the prompt will give enough insight into the topic?"

"I got you, boss."

"Thank you so much."

"It's no problem."

Sure enough, Anya, Raven realizes, isn't typing the right things into the search bar. She smiles triumphantly when Anya comes back, already having found five incredible resource wells in the time Anya was gone.

"You did all that while I was peeing?"

"It's no problem, chief," Raven winks. "You want me to talk you through the rest of this paper? I honestly love writing papers. I feel like engineers who hate writing were just never exposed to how to do it without it feeling like busting your ass to get nowhere."

Anya's relief was palpable. "Please."

Raven smiled, "Let's start with a mind map."

Anya groaned. It was going to be a long night.


	6. Chapter 6

Lexa quietly slipped her arm out from under Clarke's and tiptoed up a flight of stars, attempting futilely to stay quiet in the dead of the night. The door creaked as she opened it with the spare key, and as she cauiously peeked into the single, she felt like she was five years old again. She climbed the ladder onto the high-lofted bed and slipped underneath her sister's blankets. Her arm snaked cautiously around Anya's waist, and Anya mumbled, "Lex, baby, issat you?" Lexa tucked her face into the crook of Anya's neck in response, and Anya's hand came to rest against hers. She pressed a light kiss into Anya's temple, as she slowly drifted away to the sound of Anya's heavy breathing.

* * *

It was way too fucking early.

Raven didn't say anything but the pace Lexa was keeping was literally hell on her legs. She had made Lexa swear to wake her up and get her to class the previous night at 10 pm, when she actually thought she had a chance at getting to bed on time (ha fucking ha) and she was really regretting it.

"We're late." Lexa hissed.

Lexa was a sunbeam of moonshine most of the time, especially around Clarke, but she did not fuck around when it came to academics.

"It's 8 fucking 23 am, Lex, what do you want me to do?"

"Walk faster..." Lexa's voice trailed off and she became uncomfortably stiff. Raven rolled her eyes. She was not in the mood for this bullshit.

"Literally, just leave me behind I'll be fine."

Lexa's jaw clenched. "I'm not leaving you." She intoned stubbornly. "I suppose it doesn't matter much anyway, we're not missing much other than how Professor Song's day went yesterday."

Raven could not stand Professor Song. He was too bubbly and went on all kinds of tangents, but she needed to go to this class. Not that it would matter, she was screwed in that class anyway. The last month had been tumultuous, to say the least. Her grades had been so good, but ever since the dosage on her pain medication had gone down, her performance had been suffering in class. As much as she loved her friends, none of them seemed to understand the word chronic. As in she was always going to have leg pain.

Aside from that exceedingly depressing reality, she was just going to have to bear Song's incessant storytelling while using the class time to make notes based on the slides.

* * *

"I was talking to my colleagues about- you know, this was about 30 years ago -and I was talking to my colleagues about - see back then we didn't have the kind of device- instrume- technology and stuff we have today. And there wasn't any money in this industry. But we were young, fresh out of college, and bright, and we didn't mind the work, so I said- heh- I said - do you really think that's going to get anywhere- we all thought he was crazy, you know? But he kept at it anyway, for ten years just going through experiment after experiment. And that ended up being the foundation for this experiment. He's worth fifty million dollars now. And I say, Craig, we've gotta have lunch sometime, haha. But this was before I retired and got into teaching. I was in the industry before this. Of course, now I'm here and I'm tenured, could never stay off my feet and they can't fire me. Not even if I say fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck haha."

Raven was so ready to fucking murder someone.

* * *

Raven was so screwed. She walked towards the library as quickly as she could, cursing as she checked the time. Deja vu, much? She had fallen asleep after her last class, having forgotten that she needed to attend this motherfucking SI session. It was 6:40 and the session had started at 6:30 so she could only pray there were still seats left by the time she got there.

She jammed the elevator button furiously. All the way to the third floor, she huffed impatiently. An elderly professor leered at her in what had to be the most fucking condescending manner ever.

"You're the first person I've seen in here who wasn't on their cell phone." He huffs, as if she was supposed to be proud her battery was less than 50%. She smiled though, and he seemed to buy it even though she was sure if she was Supergirl there would be actual laser beams flying out of her eyes right now.

"I'm glad we can find productive ways to occupy the gaps in our lives, sir. Even if it's just taking a few minutes to reflect on our lives." The second part of that was absolute bullshit, of course, but she needed to temper herself in case she actually had to work with this dickbag at some point.

She barreled out of the elevator as fast as she could, taking a deep breath and realizing it was also probably the claustrophobic aspect getting to her. She wasn't stupid. She knew why she was fucked up in the ways she was fucked up, she just had no emotional energy for dealing with that shitstorm at the moment.

As Raven rushed into the room she immediately realized the session had probably been cancelled based on the hordes of confused students loitering around.

Checking her phone, as she should've when the fucking elevator asswipe made that snarky political commentary about "them dang millennials," she sees the message from her S.I. confirming she has a "work commitment" that she apparently "forgot" about the entirety of the last week this session had been scheduled. Raven felt the pressure of tears build behind her eyes, but swallowed down her frustration and finished the email.

Fortunately, there was an addendum. Raven squinted, because it was in bright green. Why did people think it was appropriate to change fonts mid-email in 2016? If you had time to do that, you had time to teach this fucking class.

So EMAE 360, which was the next level in Design and Manufacturing, also had a session today, which they were free to drop by on. It was in the next room. It was in the next motherfucking room and no one had bothered to put a fucking sign on the door saying, hey! if you need help you should probably come in here?

She was ready to chew someone the fuck out, but the moment she saw Anya, all her anger melted away.

Anya looked away from the board. "Fancy seeing you here?"

"Always the tone of surprise."

"I understood that reference."

"Yesss." Raven crossed the room and high-fived Anya. Marvel and HP geekery warranted it.

"Just working out a problem." She gestured for Raven to sit down, and did the same. "No one ever shows up to this thing because if people are this high level, they probably get this material really well, or know they're going to barely scrape by with a C anyway."

"Oh. That sucks." Raven wasn't sure whether to react negatively or positively, but Anya suddenly laughed.

"It's fine, actually. Gives me more time to work out my shit."

Raven squeezed the sleeves of her hoodie into her fist and balled it up, clenching until it hurt.

"I didn't mean to intrude."

"You're not! Really, they're paying me for this anyway. Though that's probably for campus-wide statistics benefits more than student benefits. Nice to know your tuition money is going somewhere other than the president's dildo fund."

Raven almost choked on her spit. Yeah, she could not have imagined this middle-aged white woman with a dildo until she totally could and it was all Anya's fault.

"Oh my god Anya. You sound like Clarke when she's drunk."

Anya snorted. "Clarke's a fratboy at heart. She would say that shit while sober."

Raven couldn't deny the truth of that statement.

"So, what's going on?"

Raven could physically feel Anya's gaze soften and the concern enter her eyes as she tried not to let every emotion welling up inside her show on her face, from the anxiety to the resignation. She hated that she was so so fucking transparent, even when she tried not to be.

"I haven't gone to lecture all semester and it actually isn't possible for me to get a B anymore so I'm just...trying to work for a C. But I'm so far behind I don't understand anything."

"Whoa, whoa ok. We'll take it one step at a time. Here, we'll start at the beginning, if nothing else, to review it and answer those questions we all have, but dismiss. Got it? I do this all the time, just to figure out where I stopped knowing and understanding a topic."

"Yeah." Raven felt condescend to but also felt her anxiety ease up a little.

"Worst come to worst, we'll just outline what you need to get done. That's still productivity, okay?"

"Thanks for the help."

"I owe you one."

"No, what dude, we're totally good."

"Now we are." Anya's voice, steady and firm, makes Raven feel like only Finn's did, warm and reassuring, and oh god, she was smitten.

"You know if you need help, I'm always here, right?"

While Raven could only wish she believed that was true, she knew it was true in that moment.

She shut her eyes tightly and prayed furiously for a second, not sure to whom and for what, but it was a warning and a thank you. She probably shouldn't threaten a higher power, but she knew she couldn't handle anything else right now, so it was more of a plea.

"God, okay, where exactly is the start?"

It was a start.


End file.
